I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
