I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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