end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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