the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
