I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
