Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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