Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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