We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We need to rekindle our bromance
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
