He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
