I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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