I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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