I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
