batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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