Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
