Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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