All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize