Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
