I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
