My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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