I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
