I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize