I think i peed on brittanys purse
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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