you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Someone signed my nipple.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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