She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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