Cold hands, warm shart.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
