I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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