the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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