It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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