If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
