So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
