I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
