Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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