do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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