yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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