I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
