I'm so fucking centered right now
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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