8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
