Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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