I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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