i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
