Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize