this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
