i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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