Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
