Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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