I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
