Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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