Just took my morning after pill in the library
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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