Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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