I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Will exercising make me less horny?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
