there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
