Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
