On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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