If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
