Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
