I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
