Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
