I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sober January is a disaster.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
