Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
