I think I am morally bankrupt
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
