I can tuck mytits in my pants
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
