I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
