so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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