dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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