I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
