So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
