My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
