i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
ttyl tear gas
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
