Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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