I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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