Four minutes until I can fart!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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