Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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